The Number One Symptom of Heart Disease Is Sudden Death
Mar 8
… a line I stole from Todd Snider. It’s true, though. Ask any cardiologist. My tax client had a massive heart attack on Valentine’s Day, right about the time I was deciding which piece of chocolate to eat and which one to just take a bite of and toss. He thought he just had indigestion. An autopsy guy once told me he found antacids in every heart attack victim’s system and the last thing googled on their phone or pc was always, Heart attack or Heartburn. This makes perfect sense to me. I always self-diagnose and drug myself accordingly. (I’m not a physician, but I play one at home.) My client ended up in the back of an ambulance, dead for 30 minutes. That’s a long time to be dead, or a short time, depending on your point of view. “Do you wanna know what it’s like to be dead?“ he asked me. I decided it might be useful information to have, in the unlikely event this ever happens to me. Everyone has heard a version of this story, the one where you see a bright light and are met by loved ones who have gone on before you. And just like everything else in America, half the people believe this and the other half don’t. The religious viewpoint is that you are experiencing a glimpse of heaven, but then the scientific community chimes in and announces that it’s simply your brain shutting down, bumming everyone out. I‘m kinda on the fence about it, like most things in my life. Once, I dreamed that every day I had to take Chase shoe shopping, an ordeal which never ended well when he was little, and reminiscent of that movie Groundhog Day, so if it’s gonna be like that, then maybe I don’t wanna live forever. Forever just seems a very long time. “But, Christians, don’t walk out on me just yet, you know whose name I’m yelling when I’m clutching my chest, the one my dad told me to and his told him to and I probably pray as much or more than you do.” (More TS lyrics. Check’s in the mail, buddy) But I digress. “I was afraid. I was praying. I didn’t want to leave my wife, her face a mask of terror. I could hear the medics asking me to stay with them, and feel the chest compressions, but it all began to move in slow motion. My eyelids became too heavy to open and I felt myself drifting. Soon, I was watching it all from above, then complete darkness and silence. It was the most peaceful feeling, no fear, no pain and something else, something intangible; an immense feeling of love. It surrounded me. I felt hands holding me, pushing me gently downwards and heard the words, not yet, not yet. And, suddenly, I was looking up at a smiling physician welcoming me back. So, I can tell you this, don’t be afraid of death. There is nothing to fear. There is only love.” All you need is love, people. Love is all there is. I love you. Thanks for reading. Stay safe. And if you have prolonged chest pain, use your phone to call 911, not to google your symptoms. And, maybe, grab an aspirin instead of a Rolaid. (I’m not a doctor but I play one on my blog.)